Friday, July 25, 2008

My baby turned 1 today.

I know I have been a blogger slacker. I have pretty much been a slacker in my day to day life so I need to get back in the groove.

Tater turned 1 today. I can't believe how time is flying. She is a toddler now, not a baby. Well I guess she is still my baby. She is going to walk any day now and I don't know if I am ready for that. It seems like she just started crawling.

When we found out that I was pregnant with Tater, it was such a huge shock. We had tried for years to get pregnant with Twinkie. I was even on clomid for several months and it didn't work. Then one day I was pregnant. My pregnancy with her was stressful and hard. I had a severe bleeding and they thought I would lose her at 3 months and then I had another episode at 5 months. The birth wasn't great. The dr ended up using a vacuum and I had major tearing. Ouch. I know you are cringing.

Anyway, just after Twinkie turned one, I was pregnant with Tater. It's like I can't get pregnant and then I have them not even 2 years apart. I was working at the time and had plans to be there longterm. Then she came along and everything changed. Honestly, I was shocked at being pregnant but I wasn't that happy. For a few months there, I think I bordered on being depressed. I felt so horrible and guilty about not being totally happy. My sister in law thought I was horrible because how could I not already love her? Well I didn't. I loved Twinkie so unconditionally that I couldn't imagine feeling that way about another baby. At that point, I would've been happy with just one child. Now, I can't imagine my life without her.

I know so many people feel that way. My cousin just went through it when she was pregnant with her second. However, when Tater was born, everything changed. Of course I loved her. Even though people tell you that love multiplies and doesn't divide, it doesn't really make sense until the second one is here. My pregnancy was so easy with her. Even though I was induced with her, the birth was 20 times easier and faster. I pushed for a few minutes where it was a couple of hours with Twinkie. My epidural with Twinkie didn't work but it was great with Tater. How funny it was so different.

Anyway, she turned one today. We are having a party for both girls next week. Tonight, we just ate cupcakes and she opened a present. It was just the four of us.

As I type, Tater is trying her hardest to keep up with her older sister. They should be in bed but they have been playing so well together that I hate to break it up. I love the way that Tater squeals. I love how she has to touch me when she is falling asleep. I love the way she will pop her pacifier out of her mouth and expect to nurse and gets mad if it doesn't happen. She is growing up so fast. She wants to be independant but still needs me.


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