I think I am a good parent. I wouldn't say that I am great but I do the best I can. When I was younger I used to think that I could never have kids because I was such an impatient person. I just didn't see the attraction with other people's children. When I had Twinkie, it changed. I am not saying that a transformation happened overnight but I became a person with more patience. Sure I get frustrated sometimes but I am so much calmer than I ever thought possible. It's strange to say, but my marriage even improved. Before Twinkie, I sometimes wonder if we would've made it for the long haul. Now, I have no doubt. If anything, I couldn't imagine Mr. Man not in my children's lives. My daughter loves her daddy so unconditionally that whatever happened, I would make my marriage work.
Wow, I have gotten way off the subject. I am being very melodramatic tonight.
Anyway, we went out tonight for my brother's birthday. It was with my brother's family and my parents and their children. I hate going out with my family. I honestly feel like I am being judged for my parenting skills or lack of them all the time. My dad has made several comments about my kids always screaming....how he never sees them without one of them crying....how it is being in public with them. He and my brother also basically told me that my children were 'high maintance.' So when I am with them, I am supersensitive about Twinkie's behavior. She is a good kid and I am not even just saying that because she's mine. Even my sister in law commented on how tense I am when my dad is there.
We get to dinner and Twinkie had fallen asleep. She slept in the booth for a little and basically woke up right before our food came. She was cranky and being whiney. Then Tater kept screetching. Between the two of them....so I ended up getting my food to go and left. Ugh. I don't know why I let it get to me. I was in tears on my way home. I am 31 years old and I still let my parents make me feel like I am 10 and I am playing the parent part even though I have no right to. Then I also feel like I make constant excuses....like she's tired or we did too much.
I think she is a normal 2 year old. She has her moments but they don't happen all the time. We can go days without a tantrum or without her getting in trouble. Then we have days where she melts down. I take both kids to eat out with other people and I never have a problem. Maybe when Twinkie was around a year and half, we had issues going to the store with her wanting out of the cart or yelling for things. Now, they both go grocery shopping with me. Granted, if she doesn't get her nap she is a bear but I usually try to plan accordingly. My sister in law thinks that my parents stress me out and my kids are reacting off of me when we are with them. It makes sense in a way.
I know most of it is that my parents and I have completely different discipline methods. I am not a spanker and probably never will be. I worked CPS too long and interviewed too many kids. I know my limitations. I never judge other people with what they do. My parents think my problem is that Twinkie lacks discipline (ie: spanking). However, nobody is home with me during the days. When someone sees a child maybe once a week, how can they know how it is? Often I am made fun of for using timeouts. BUT THEY WORK FOR US!! But it seems like they want time outs not to work. Needless to say, I feel like I get alot of 'told you so' and 'you know how to fix that.'
Okay, I am getting teary again. I need to grow up. I am just so sad. I feel like I need my parents approval or something. But why should that surprise me, it's been that way my whole life. Is it too much to ask for them to think I am a good parent and maybe just let me know?
3 weeks ago