Oh crap.

My mom is messing around with my camera trying to find a way to change the picture settings. She is just pushing random buttons and *POW* she erased every single one of my pictures. Damn her. I had over 500 pictures. Granted I do download to my computer but it's been a few months. I seriously cried on the way home. I love taking pictures and now some are gone. I barely moved to a digital camera and now I wonder why. I guess I could've easily have lost a couple of rolls of film. I know she feels bad but....

So the things that are erased:
~Tater's first food
~Easter pics
~Tater's first tooth
~Visit with the inlaws
~Twinkie swimming

Ugh. Plus all the random shots I take. How irritating. Then she tried to blame me by saying I shouldn't have so many pictures on there. Ummm...hello??

What a day....

Tater is sick. She has a horrible fever and is grouchy as hell. I have not been able to get more than a couple inches away from her. I hate it when they are sick. Then Twinkie watched Lion King for the fiftyith time this week. It's turned into quite the babysitter.

Tater's illness started out with her puking all over my bed. Yep, she still sleeps with me but that is a whole other story. So I cleaned that up the best I could. That next morning (yesterday), Mr. Man took her to change her diaper so I could get a quick shower. He screamed like a girl. Seriously. I went in her room and he had poop all over him and her. I had to wipe it out of her hair. Ugh. I had to give her a bath and barely got a shower. I went to lay her down later for her nap and Mr. Man hadn't mentioned that poop was all over the bed too. *sigh*

Today was slightly better. We went to the park. Tater fell asleep and Twinkie played for awhile. There was a mom there with her maybe four year old. The mom parked herself on the grass and took out a book and sent her kid off to play. I think I might have drooled because it's been so long since I have been able to read a book....I might have gotten over it though because her little girl peed her pants and the mom just sent her off to play. Poor girl was walking around trying to keep her wet pants from sticking to her leg.

Then another mom's 2 year old had to pee and the mom ran to her car and brought out a potty chair. The bathrooms were right there so I was confused. Then I realized that maybe that is my problem on why Twinkie isn't potty trained yet. I DON'T CARRY AROUND A POTTY! Who knew.

Possibly Depressed?

How can you really tell? I just have been so down lately. It's been hard with the girls. Tater is going through a 'I can't have anyone other than my mom and she better be holding me stage.' I love that she loves me. However, it's impossible to get anything done. I keep telling myself it's just a stage but still. I know I created that but oh well. Then Twinkie has been showing the world that she is two. I am not a spanker but I could've easily done that today.

I want to work but I can't. I think it would be nice for the extra money. We want to add on to our house. Right now, we are on top of each other. It's enough to make anyone go insane. I think I am just in a funk. There is a perfect job for me in the paper. It's even one I have done before. I mean I have my Master's Degree so I am qualified. It would just be too hard working and still picking up Mr. Man from work. The girls would always be at daycare or in the car and that isn't fair to them.

I go through this every 6 months or so. I will be fine in a week. I just need to get my life together. Start working out again. I used to always go in the morning but since Tater came along, I have stopped. My house is a mess, car is a mess. I am behind on everything. Twinkie's room looks like Santa Clause threw up in it. That is the thing about having such a small house. Any tiny mess looks horrible.

Well, maybe things will look up soon. The good news is that I think I finally got through to Mr. Man that I am drowning and maybe he could just chip in and help me this time. We'll see.

Growing up....

I am signing Twinkie up for preschool tomorrow. It was a debate but she wants to go to 'school.' She mentions it everyday. She even goes as far as puts on her backpack and tries to escape out the front door. She thinks that her daddy getting to ride the bus (to work) is the coolest thing ever. She is only two. It makes me kind of sad.

They are just growing up so fast. I wish that our minds were like video cameras. That way I could rewind things and remember things. I take tons of pictures but there are just moments you can't catch on film. Like will I remember the way that Tater scrunches up her face and squeals when she is happy or excited? How about when she rolls over at night and reaches out for me? Will I always remember Twinkie thanking God for all the stars in the sky when she says her prayers? Or how she always tells me "I love you too mommy"? Will I always remember the way that their faces light up when they see me or seek me out in a room?

Being a parent is just such an awesome responsibility. It is hard and overwhelming much of the time. It's like wearing your heart on your sleeve. It makes you vulnerable. It hurts. Yet it is literally the biggest joy I could ever have. I love these two little girls more than anything in the world. Sometimes I just look at them and just wonder how I could be so lucky.

More Drama

I wrote previously about Mr. Man's co-worker. You know, the Jackass (JA) that has been messing around on his wife. Well I have spoke with her several times since she found out. We have been friendly....or so I thought. I guess this is a like a 'shoot the messenger' moment. I was dropped Mr. Man off at work at she was parked out back waiting for JA. We had just spoke on the phone the week before. Well I pulled up next to her and honked the horn to say hi. She put her head down and wouldn't look up. So that is that. I didn't really expect we could remain friends but how am I the bad person when her JA is the one doing it to her.

Then I find out he has not stopped with this girl. They eat lunch together on a daily basis. He picked her up before work to go to the gym. I just don't understand how he can have such a lack of respect for his wife. I am amazed how a man can do this to his wife and three children. Believe me, skankho girl isn't that great.

Lazy I Am

I am a horrible blogger. I can't believe I just go a month without posting anything. Mostly, it's just laziness. I also think my mom found my blog. If so, hi mom.

Porn at the library

I take Twinkie and Tater to Preschool Story Time at our local library every week. This week, Mr. Man was with us. He was pushing Tater around in her stroller. He came and told me that a man at the computers was watching porn. I thought surely not. Sure enough, I was just walking down the aisle and BAM. It was quite in your face and graphic. I told the librarian that does story time. She wasn't surprised and said that he comes in often and does the same thing. I was shocked. She said that it was his right and that they couldn't censor the Internet.

I am all for free speech. I am not even anti-porn. However, I think that there is a time and place for it. The public library during children's story time is not one of those times. So my very nervy sister in law walked up to him at tapped him on the shoulder. She asked him if she could have his name so that she could check the sex offender registry. She told him it wasn't appropriate to do that during story time. He left.

The problem is that the librarian said he's had people confront him and they've had several complaints. But it's his right. Ugh. I get that but at the very least the library should move the computers or use some kind of monitor shield. I looked up the statutes and basically it's up to individual libraries what kind of Internet access they want to give. I called the other libraries in this area and they all have filters on their computers and would not allow patrons to look at porn.

Our library is in between head librarian and director so there is seriously no where to take the complaint except up to the library board. I spoke with a reporter for our town newspaper and she said that I should write a letter to the editor and go to the next board meeting. If nothing happens then she will take it up. I am so not pro-active but it's just so wrong for children to be exposed to things like that. Just while we were at the library that day, two little girls walked right past him and his huge screen filled with porn.

Geez.